Embracing Neurodivergence in Sex Work
- Chanel Avory Secrets
- Apr 9
- 6 min read
Updated: Sep 3
(Strippers, Waitresses and Showgirls Edition)
If you’re here, you’re likely neurodivergent, curious about neurodivergence, or wondering why so many of us gravitate toward sex work. Whatever brought you—welcome. Let’s have an honest, unfiltered conversation about the magnetic pull of this industry for neurodivergent minds, the hidden costs, and how to safeguard your mental, physical, and emotional well-being while navigating it. This is a wide and nuanced topic with many paths to explore. What follows is just a starting point in unpacking how neurodivergence intersects with the sex work industry.
Why Sex Work? The Neurodivergent Love Affair
For neurodivergent folks, sex work isn’t just a job, it’s often a strategic career. The rigid structures of traditional workplaces (clocking in, fluorescent lighting, small talk at the water cooler) can feel like psychological torture. My AuDHD brain would stage a mutiny after three days at a desk job.
But stripping? Showgirl gigs? Toppy waitressing? These roles offered something radical: autonomy and excitement. As an AuDHDer, I crave novelty, sensory stimulation, and control over my environment. Sex work delivered all three. Every shift was a new puzzle: Which persona will resonate tonight? How do I pivot when a client’s vibe shifts? Can i hit xxxx$ tonight? Can I turn this slow Tuesday into a positive night? For brains wired to thrive on dopamine "hits" and hyperfocus, the thrill of “hustling” a room or perfecting a stage routine can feel like unlocking cheat codes to an early 2000's video game.
Financially, the payoff can be liberating. Many of us struggle with inconsistent energy levels, burnout cycles, or other chronic issues that can make traditional employment unsustainable. Sex work’s flexibility, such as choosing shifts, setting boundaries, taking mental health days, allows us to work with our brains, not against them.
But let’s be clear: this isn’t a Hollywood fairy tale movie. The same traits that make us excel here can also leave us vulnerable.
The Neurodivergent Tax: Hidden Costs of the Industry
1. Sleep Deprivation & Circadian Chaos
Working nights can flip your body’s natural rhythms upside down. For many of us, sleep is already a challenge and we can easily spiral into chronic exhaustion. Poor sleep tanks executive function (which is already a struggle for us), weakens the immune system, and amplifies sensory sensitivities. I’ve had weeks where I’d crawl home at 4 AM, still buzzing from adrenaline, only to spend daylight hours in a dissociative fog—too overstimulated to sleep, too exhausted to function. It can even contribute to depression over time.
I wish I could go back in time (ten years ago) to give myself this advice.
Coping Strategies:
Treat sleep like your favourite regular: Schedule it as a non-negotiable “shift.” Use blackout curtains, white noise machines, and sleep masks to mimic night-time.
Create wind-down rituals: A post-work shower, chamomile tea, and 10 minutes of stretching can signal to your body that it’s time to rest—even if the sun is rising.
Nap strategically: A quick power nap before your shift can recharge you without grogginess.
Read more about sleep quality in general.
2. Sensory Overload: When Your Brain Hits Its Limit
The club or a private bucks party can be an absolute sensory minefield: people talking loudly, strobing lights, pounding bass, the lace fabrics, the smell of alcohol and cologne—what was thrilling yesterday, can feel too much today. For some workers, this can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns mid-shift, or trigger an intense physical and mental reaction . Even ADHDers who thrive on stimulation can hit a wall—what starts as exhilarating can quickly tip into an overwhelming experience. Remember, we are just wired differently so what works for neurotypicals may not apply to us. Unfortunately, the universal neurodivergent experience is someone randomly suggesting 'have you tried meditating?' mid-panic attack and nothing makes me see red faster.
Then there’s physical contact. Some clients push boundaries; others assume consent to grab, hug, or invade personal space and trust me, dissociating is not a solution. It might get you through the moment, but over time, it can erode your connection to your body. Been there, done that.
While seeing a sex worker-friendly therapist would be ideal for emotional support and grounding techniques, financial barriers (thanks, capitalism) and survival work make it impossible for some. That’s completely valid, and free online resources can still be helpful!
Coping Strategies:
Pre-shift sensory prep: Seamless, soft lingerie or costumes and open shoes to avoid sweating. Use noise-cancelling earbuds during breaks or during rush-hours in a strip club. Apply a familiar scent (like lavender oil) to ground yourself. Take your time getting ready and mentally shift into "work mode." For the ADHDers (like me), be organised and avoid doing things last minute. We both know how bad our anxiety get when we are running left and right to try to get to work on time.
Set touching boundaries: Create tiers of physical contact you’re comfortable with (e.g., “No touch today” or “Only hands above the waist”). Heavily depending on your location and type of establishment.
Post-shift decompression: Spend time in a quiet room, take a hot bath with Epsom salts or a hot shower with eucalyptus oil, eat a comfort meal in front of your comfort tv show, stim freely, or wrap yourself in a weighted blanket.
3. Emotional Labour & Masking Burnout
Sex work demands constant performance: acting, smiling through discomfort (especially if you bought brand new pleasers boots and forgot that you need to buy them a size up—ouch!), flattering client's egos, and suppressing neurodivergent traits like stimming or blunt speech. For many of us, this "masking" is exhausting and unsustainable. Over time, it can also lead to identity confusion "Who am I outside this persona?".. Hence why, it is so important to have a stable and exciting life aside from work. See your friends and family, work on your side hustle, treat yourself to a weekend away, get a massage, TREAT YOURSELF. Pushing yourself to burnout for the sake of income is never worth it—remember, taking a break now is far less costly than the toll of full burnout later. Been there, done that.... Again!
Coping Strategies:
Designate “unmasking” time: After work, engage in activities where you can stim openly, "infodump", or retreat into a special interest.
Manage your energy: Save high-energy performances for peak earning hours (e.g., Friday nights). On slower shifts, opt for a more "chill" or "slow sexy" persona, unless there's potential!
Audit your regulars: If you can, let go of clients who demand excessive emotional labour. Prioritise those who respect boundaries.
4. Rejection Sensitivity & Financial Anxiety
Inconsistent income is a reality of our job, and gosh it can be stressful. For some neurodivergent folks, a slow night can feel like a personal failure. Did I do something wrong? Am I unlikeable? Am I not attractive enough? What if I don't make rent this week? The financial rollercoaster can exacerbate anxiety, leading to cycles of overworking and burnout.
Coping Strategies:
Separate your worth from your income: "My value isn’t tied to tonight’s earnings."
Diversify income streams: If possible, monetise a special interest! Invest in your creative ideas.
Build a financial cushion: If you can, set aside a percentage of each shift’s earnings.
Radical Acceptance: Honouring Your Neurodivergent Needs
1. Reframe "Laziness" as Energy Management
Spoon theory isn’t just a metaphor—it can be a survival guide. Some days, you’ll have 20 spoons: dazzling clients, stacking cash, feeling unstoppable. Other days, getting out of bed costs 15 spoons. That’s okay. Listen to your body and be gentle with yourself.
2. Find the job(s) that suits you
There are many different ways to engage in stripping and sex work that might better fit your needs:
Pub shifts as a bikini/toppy waitress
Private bookings (e.g., bucks parties, topless/nude waitressing)
R-rated or XXX shows
Club work
Each option has its own rhythm, vibe, and dynamics. Don’t be afraid to try different things until you find one or a mix that works best for you.
Conclusion: You Belong Here
Navigating sex work as a neurodivergent person can feel like walking a tightrope between empowerment and overwhelm. But with the right tools, support system, boundaries, and self-awareness, this industry can be more than just a job—it can be a place where you can thrive.
You’re not broken. You’re wired differently. Honour yourself, advocate for your well-being, and remember: you belong here, just as you are.
Further Reading:
Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
